If Google was my boyfriend…

So whilst in class last night I started thinking about how it would be if Google was my boyfriend. Initially when this random thought came into my head I started laughing (as I often do at myself), but then, when I thought about this further, I realised that this topic is one that requires further thought.

If Google was my boyfriend, what kind of boyfriend would he be?

– Would he make me feel secure?
– Would he be controlling?
– Would he be helpful?
– Would he watch my every move?
– Would I love him, and more importantly, would he love me back?
– Would he randomly change his expectations of me?
– Would he always be there for me, wherever I am in the world?
– Would he understand what I needed?

I have to admit that as I write this, I am quietly giggling to myself as I imagine the personification of Google as my boyfriend (yes, in my mind he is hot, and not at all like the Alexis from the Google WebMaster video viewed last night!). Joking aside though, I think that having Google as my boyfriend would be a fairly complex relationship:

– He would watch every move I make, but he would understand what I need and learn from my behaviour.
– He would be so helpful, but would control my behaviour.
– He would know what I needed in seconds.
– We would have an equal relationship; I would search and he would deliver.
– Without a doubt, I would love him with all of my heart, but I do not know if he would love me back, and, in the worse case scenario, I do not know if he would be faithful to me (I could be one of millions not one in a million).
– He would always be there for me though, but could randomly change his expectations of me if we got SEOrious.

I think if Google was my boyfriend, it could be great because he would be so helpful, and give me what I needed 24/7. He would learn from my behaviour and properly get to know me. He would have everything I needed and literally be an ‘open book’ for me to get the most out of him (complete with tutorial videos!), I would just need to know where to look. He would be efficient and always there for me. The flipside would be that he would be controlling, he would watch my every move, he would think he knows me better than I know myself (and give me things accordingly), and the worst thing would be that I would be one of many.

Based on this, am I happy to continue my relationship with Google?

The answer is yes. I need him. I love him. He is there for me like no other. I have to be honest, I also have a very healthy relationship with YouTube (owned by Google but more like his brother; gosh, that sounds so bad) and I have very occassionally used Bing, and does that also mean that I am also being unfaithful?

Does the fact that Google is watching me make my life better? I think it does (in this virtual context only!) because this means that what he gives me is thoughtful (based on my behaviour) with an occassional random ‘gift’.

Does the fact that he has strict parameters in our SEOrious relationship make him controlling? Yes it does, but Google is a responsible entity and I like to think his first priority is protection not control. As long as you play by the rules, it’s a great relationship.

In conclusion, I think that if Google was my boyfriend, we would have a very happy, secure but ‘open’ relationship where both our roles, responsibilities, and expectations of each other are clearly defined.

So, Google, shall we check some rich snippets and head out for dinner sometime???

Image source

  • nlzikovitz

    This is amazing! If only all boyfriends could be like google! Great analogy, helps to understand both the pros and cons of google in a fun and entertaining way.

  • raheela_n

    Thanks so much, Nicole :)
    Happy to share Google with you…

  • Moe

    Hilarious and insightful. One darker element to this relationship is that Google would always keep secrets from you with the need to keep the upper hand. He won’t tell you everything, and the maddening part of this is that some of the secrets he keeps, if shared, could really help you get better. He will also change in the middle of the night, so best to sleep with one eye open. Perhaps your next blog post is “Hey Google, what’s your sign?”. IMHO, he’s a Gemini.
    (By the way, how do you know that Google is a guy. I’ve always pictured her as an alpha female).

    • raheela_n

      Thanks so much, Maureen.

      I love your response and will be sure to sleep with “one eye open” should he accept my dinner invitation and our relationship progresses from there!

      It’s so funny you thought he’s a woman. I so see him as a man. A very attractive and well put-together, and in my mind, 100% alpha male.

      Perhaps I need to ask about gender AND his star sign!

      I wonder what everyone else thinks…