I am happy. I am happier than I have been for a very long time, and this has made me curious as to the reasons why this is happening, so that I can reflect and ensure I remain this way for as long as I possibly can…What I have realized is that this level of happiness I am experiencing is 100% in my control.
I have spent years and years trying to define my happiness by other people’s reactions to me; unconsciously seeking validation, approval and love.
Driven by something deep inside me, I have recently managed to rise above this need for approval and validation. Don’t get me wrong, I still care, so very deeply, for the important people around me, and still and will always respect their opinions. The difference now is that I am so comfortable with the me, who is unmasked and authentic, that reactions of others to me no longer matter as much as they used to because I define myself by me, and not by them.
As recently as 6 months ago, I was creating Visualization Boards to attract the ‘perfect’ partner. I spent hours reflecting on what I wanted in a partner. I made it pretty. I coloured it in. I drew pictures. I wrote inspiring notes to myself and I read every book imaginable on how to get and keep the perfect man. I physically cleared space in my life for that man (even before he manifested), and made room in my home shortly after meeting what the Universe sent me. In hindsight, I realised I started going about the journey the wrong way a long time ago because what I ended up manifesting was not only wrong for me, it was the culmination of what everyone else wanted for me.
I never spent time thinking about what I wanted or needed. I just went blindly along with what I thought I was meant to have (because that was the norm and that’s what I thought I should want). I changed myself in line with what was demanded (to avoid conflict) rather than being true to myself when the core of me was saying “there is something not quite right here. Please listen and act accordingly.” I was constantly on edge, trying to please someone who could never be pleased, and ignoring the voice that said “you deserve more than this.”
I am very thankful for the journey I have been on. I now understand a few more things now, like, for example, we allow ourselves to be loved the way we think we deserve to be loved, and also that everything around us is manifested by our thoughts. I have also seen that like attracts like, and we have to be on the same energy frequency to attract the same back (in every area of our lives). This period of reflection has been, and continues to be incredibly powerful.
So, as I sit here, in my beautiful home (and all it represents to me), I am starting a new Visualization Board. This time, it’s all about me; The things I love about Myself, What I can give to the Universe, What I contribute to the World, What makes me Happy, Who, What and Where I want to Be. For me, this is the most powerful exercise of all because as I am doing this, I am shedding the layers of pressure, expectation, pain and frustration, and revealing my most authentic Me to the World (who is embracing her arrival). This board will not only have colour, it will have sparkles! It will be in 3D and it will be evolving as I learn and experience new things…
I am shelving every self-help book I have on meeting my match blah blah blah because I am loving and living the most powerful, important relationship of all; the one with me.
Since unconsciously starting this journey, I have been attracting the most incredible people into my life. People who shine, radiate energy, and inspire me with hope that there are so many more of us out there who live authentically. I look forward to discovering more of you, soon…